connections, possibilities, worlds, relationships

I have lived in a few intentional communities as well as cities and small towns. Still I seem to be trying to find my version of this idyllic group of people who can work together sharing values to create a more beautiful, conscious way of life.

Sometimes the visual I have is something like what I experienced on bodywork retreats like therapeutic contact improvisation, or acroyoga. We care for our bodies and have a connection high. Nonverbals are clear and each person is clearly responsible for his/her own outcome.  Other times it is what I have glimpsed with building groups united in a goal to support others basic needs and care for the earth.  I have experienced it watching the TV show Eureka where people take pride in their work and work hard to create new solutions with science and technology. I have experienced glimpses of my ideal community in many ways.

It reminds me of a book I read a very long time ago. I think it was called Pilgrim's Regress. A man glimpses this beautiful island and seeks everywhere for it. Different cities hold different names and themes (like Eat, Pray, Love) that create different experiences. After all the searching, it is found inside. True. But what is it that creates this experience inside of us?
A feeling of safety, security, and purpose for the future? Different settings match up with our internal unconscious programming, or is there more?

Last night I had all of these dreams that all that I work for, have worked for doesn't matter. People keep turning away because we would rather continue feeding our programmed responses. Dream after dream I say something and am ignored as people drift away. Values don't match up? Perhaps I just don't feel heard right now.

Maybe I can go find happiness in the forest, or in meditation, but I want it to be shared.
So I turn inside and I look and I wonder and ask myself, what is good that I want to share?
Connections, interconnections, friendships, family. How do I again come across this perfect match of action, being, connection, purpose, presence, experiencing?

Kentucky, Illinois, Tennessee, New Mexico, Dominica, North Carolina . . .
Nature, education, building, food, health, play, technology . . .

As the vision changes conflict occurs as a new path is decided. I pull away to build my heart back up with things that are good, gentle. Then to dive back in, to new connections, new purpose, new direction.

Staring at my blanket, the light and the dark, the connections, and interweaving, thinking about community and the web of life, possibility

Sometimes I find that I have to stop trying to force my heart and my eyes open and just watch and wait. Surround myself with good things and quiet.  What will come next?